MAcgyver and Mr Bean, Legends Unite
by Nate the Great
Summary: Mr Bean and Macgyver team up to save crown and roses
1. Legends Unite

MacGyver and Mr. Bean:  
  
Chapter 1: Legends Unite  
  
Bean awakes to the sound of someone pounding on the door. He glances at Teddy, his eyes full of lust, but realizing pleasure has to wait, he must answer the obnoxious pounding. Upon opening the door, a large black man dressed as a pimp immediately punches him in the stomach and screams "Is Kobe Bryant here?" Bean replies with a smile "Mmmmm?" As suddenly as he appears, the man is gone. Beans shrugs his shoulders as he fantasizes about what he is going to do with Teddy.  
  
Meanwhile in his home town of Boise Idaho, Macgyver sits patiently as he tallies up the scores of the little miss nursery school pageant.   
  
"God I love my life!" Macgyver thinks to himself As he notices the boil on his toe needs medical treatment. "Winston Macgyver?"   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do you have the final vote?" the large black man dressed as a pimp asks.   
  
"No I haven't tallied them up yet." The black man immediately lunged at Macgyver, punching him square in the stomach. As he asks "Is Kobe Bryant here?" Macgyver smiles sheepishly and responds with a "Mmmmm?" The man grabs the beauty queen crown and as he is about to exit, he stops and takes the bouquet of roses and runs out the door.   
  
"No not the roses!" Macgyver shouts. Something seems quite familiar about all this.  
  
  
  
"You know you're my most reliable source of British intelligence concerning the crown jewels. It was either you or Ozzy Osbourne, but I believe you to be more reliable" Macgyver whispers into the phone. "Mmmmph?" Bean agrees.  
  
"We must find the large black man dressed as a pimp with a large bouquet of roses looking for Kobe Bryant." "Mmmmph" Bean Replies.   
  
"I plan to hitch hike to England, I will meet you in the Ice skating rink outside of Liverpool at 4:00 am tommorow, by the way its couples night at the ice rink, so we will pretend to be together for the 4 dollar discount."   
  
"Mmmmmph" Bean smiles as he can hardly wait for the endless possibilities of tomorrow's encounter   
  
The hillbilly looks down at Macgyvers leather shorts and says "Winston huh? You got a pretty mouth, but what kind of name is Winston?"   
  
Macgyver nervously replies "Its Winston Churchill Macgyver the third, its British, my second cousin Moesha named me because my mother slept around a lot and didn't know who my father was, and since Winston Churchill was always my mothers butlers favorite politician, she decided I should be named Winston, her second choice was Ernest Borgnine Macgyver."   
  
"Shut the hell up already nancy boy"   
  
"yes sir, I'm sorry sir..."   
  
After five minutes of dead silence, Macgyver askes, "Does this car take unleaded gas?"   
  
"No boy, now shut the hell up!"  
  
"Do you use Premium or just regular unleaded?"  
  
"Look boy I've had enough of your shit, get the hell out of my car!" The man throws the door open and easily pushes Macgyver's 130 pound frame out the door, on to the curb. Macgyver begs "Please sir don't leave me in a bad neighborhood like this!"  
  
Bean arrives at 3am, Bean looks at his watch. Although he cannot read his didgital watch, Bean is sure he's early..He daydreams about the situation about to unfold. Unaware of the large black man dressed as a pimp skating by him slowly, his purple velvet robe dragging behind him. Bean thinks to himself "Mmmmph?" as he pulls a piece of lint out of his pocket and puts it back in his other pocket. Meanwhile a whistle is heard, Macgyver is also early to the rink.   
  
He notices two large black men dressed as pimps skating on opposite ends of the ice, skating rapidly towards Bean. "Look out Bean! Theres two large black men dressed as pimps coming towards you!" Bean shouts "Mmmmph?" in acknowledgment as both large black men dressed as pimps punch him in the stomach at the same time. A sharp pain echoes through Beans body as he shouts his only response "Mmmmmph!?" As both large black men dressed as pimps shout "Is Kobe Bryant here?!"  
  
Macgyver chases the large black men dressed as pimps, but realizes he's only wearing one skate. The two large black men turn around suddenly and punch Macgyver in the stomach at the same time. Macgyver stumbles in pain as he wonders to himself "Did that hillbilly use gas in his car and if so, was it premium?" 


	2. Legends Reunite

Chapter 2: Legends Reunite  
  
Billy Bob Jethro Johnson, or the hillbilly as he was known, drove down the desolate road, looking for hitchhikers. He thought to himself "I wonder if that asshole ever made it to that loudmouthed British fellow he was trying to find, huh, premium gas, what a prick, of course I use premium in my 62 Ford pickup"   
  
"I reckon this truck woulda died by now had I not used premium."   
  
"Asshole!"  
  
As they were enjoying their ice cream sundae, Macgyver barks at Bean   
  
"What the hell did you say to those two large black men dressed as pimps and why did they hit me in the stomach?"  
  
Bean replied with a solitary "Mmmmmph?"   
  
Macgyver suddenly notices Bean, still wearing the skates from over 3 hours ago. Macgyver notices Beans exceptionally large feet, and hands, curiously wondering if the feet match the meat. "Why are you still wearing those skates?" Macgyver questioned.   
  
"Bean?"   
  
"Bean?!"   
  
"Wake up Bean!"   
  
"Mmmph?!"   
  
"Mmph"  
  
Bean looks down curiously at Macgyvers hands, and then glances at Macgyvers extremely large feet, and curiously wonders "Mmm Mmm Mmm!"  
  
"Ok we know these two large black men dressed as pimps punched us and seem to be looking for Kobe Bryant"  
  
"Mmmph Hmmph"  
  
"And we also know they are after you and I, for some reason"  
  
"We must find Kobe Bryant, I feel only with his help will we be able to get the crown and roses back from the large black men dressed as pimps and kill them for their thievery. Our only problem is I have never heard of Kobe Bryant, I wonder where we can find him."  
  
"Mmmph well that's easy, Kobe Bryant plays basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers as a left guard, he has won the MVP award four times, he is a six time all-star, and he has won three championships with the team. He averages 24.6 points, 8 rebounds, 9 assists, and 2.4 steals a game. And he's quite a charmer with the ladies, apparently a woman so in love actually accused him of rape, just to be near him. But you know, you can't rape the willing, and that's all I have to say about Kobe Bryant."  
  
Macgyver Exclaims "That's extraordinary Bean! How did you know all that?"  
  
"Mmmph?"  
  
"Oh Bean, you have a little chocolate on the side of your face."  
  
"No, no the other side of your face Bean"  
  
"Now how do we get tickets to the Lakers game?"  
  
"Bean?"   
  
"Dammit Bean wake the hell up"  
  
"Bean!"  
  
"Mmmph?"  
  
Bean pulls two tickets out of his pocket.  
  
"What are those Bean?"  
  
"Mmmph" with that Bean hands Macgyver the tickets.  
  
"Oh perfect these are for the game that happens to be tonight within walking distance! They are playing an exhibition game tonight only here in England! Even though the season ended four months ago! Nothing about this adds up at all, but oh well"  
  
The score is 97-52 with the British Beatles leading the L.A. Lakers. With the Beatles pounding the Lakers, as the Beatles fight song "Helter Skelter" plays in the background during halftime.   
  
Macgyver yells "stop eating so much damn popcorn you idiot!"  
  
"Mmmph!"  
  
"We are here to find Kobe Bryant, not watch the game! He should be easy to spot, he is a tall athletic colored man, he should be easy to find"  
  
Bean continues to eat popcorn as the players re-enter the arena, "Mmmph" Bean notices that all the players have very large hands and feet, he smiles as he day dreams. As drool slides down the front of Beans mouth, Macgyver looks at Bean, and playfully shakes his head while grinning.  
  
"Now seriously Bean, keep your eyes open for Kobe Bryant, once we spot him we will grab him and split, and besides, i'm not a Beatles fan. There he is!"  
  
"Mmmmph!?"   
  
"Grab him Bean!"  
  
Bean dashes swiftly across the court at Kobe, he then grabs him.  
  
"No don't grab him there, damnit Bean!"  
  
Kobe, looking shocked, clenches his fist and punches Bean in the stomach.  
  
"Bean are you ok?"  
  
"Mmmph!"  
  
Bean falls to the floor gasping "Mmmph!"  
  
Kobe quickly rushes at Macgyver shouting "You bitch I'll kick both your asses!"  
  
Macgyver shouts "No please don't hit me in the stomach goddamnit it sore"  
  
Kobe clenches his fist and punches him right in the stomach with all his might.  
  
"Bastard..."  
  
Macgyver fell to the ground, hearing right before he passed out "You media are always harassing me!"  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
Bean, lying on the floor, recuperating, stares in amazement at the players large hands and feet. Macgyver jumps up with a burst of energy, ignoring the pain in his stomach, shouts "Cmon Bean get up and lets get Kobe!"  
  
"Mmmph!"  
  
Kobe quickly runs out of the building, Bean and Macgyver chase him far behind. Kobe stops halfway before reaching an alleyway and ties one of his shoes. Macgyver and Bean give chase and now are within 100 yards. Kobe takes out a cigar and lights it, and quickly turns down the alley.   
  
"Do you think he's down that alley Bean?"  
  
"Mmmph!"  
  
"Oh right, we just saw him run down there, good point."  
  
Macgyver and Bean dash down the alleyway at Kobe, Kobe opens a door, and slams it shut in Beans face.  
  
"Help me open the door Bean!"   
  
"Mmmph!"  
  
"Oh man its locked... Well at least we tried, we will get him eventually..."  
  
"Mmmph" 


End file.
